Solo Sex.

First and foremost, masturbation is a wonderful source of pleasure in its own right. It is a fun, safe and positive way of exploring your sexuality, getting to know and to love your own body, and exploring your mind's erotic fantasies and feelings. All of these things can make you a better lover, and bring you a lot of pleasure whether you have a partner or not. Solo sex should be enjoyed to the fullest, and there's as little need for shame and inhibition during self-loving as there is for those things when you make love with someone else.

For both sexes, masturbation should be approached as a way of making love with your own body, and especially your most erotic parts. I recommend a warm bed, plenty of free time, and an empty house or some sympathetic listeners. Begin with your mind and explore some fantasies (click here for ideas) or just let yourself feel comfortable and connect with your sense of touch. Let your hands wander sensually over your body, stopping to do anything that feels nice; sooner or later your hands will find your most sexual parts, and the real fun will begin. Explore all of your sensations, your breathing, your heartbeat, your pyjamas sliding off your body, as you first gently and then more forcefully massage yourself between your legs. Let yourself moan and move around and imagine all sorts of sexy things. Experiment with new ways of touching yourself, introduce toys if you're so inclined, and follow your body to wherever it leads you. Observe your actions and reactions closely, if you'd like to better understand the unique sexuality of your body and mind. With or without orgasm, solo sex is a great way to add some pleasure and stress relief to your day, and it'll keep you in touch with your erotic side whether you have a lover or not.

For obvious reasons I'm more experienced with male masturbation than with female. My first tip would be that there's no need to ejaculate every time you masturbate. Ejaculation is usually a loss of sexual energy, and while that's a nice relaxation for your sex drive, it might also make you fatigued and it'll tend to reduce your chemical attractiveness. Masturbation without ejaculation will increase your sexual energy, and it might also help you appreciate and enjoy the incredible pleasures that happen between arousal and orgasm, and to realize that the for men as well as for women, orgasm doesn't have to happen at all.

Sexual activity without orgasm in men can cause stress the prostate and cause "blue balls", if seminal fluid is released into the urethra but not released by the penis. If you pay close attention while you masturbate, you can learn to recognize the pleasurable pouring sensation of that fluid being released into the urethra. After this point of release, if you choose not to have an orgasm, you'll probably suffer some pretty potent discomfort in that area. This can be relieved in a few of the ways described in the next section, but it's best avoided entirely by being mindful and slowing the rate of self-stimulation. Reducing the intensity might not sound like fun, but it'll increase sensitivity to stimulation and enable the full appreciation of pleasure, and that can make it a lot better than you might expect.

As far as specific techniques go, the foundation is to experiment, observe your body, and enjoy. This site has hundreds of techniques for jacking off, most of which I haven't tried, but I'll add some of my own ideas. The most sensitive part of the male body is the frenelum, which is just below the urethral opening, and one or two gentle fingers can work wonders here. For a good grip, wrap your palm around your erection with your thumb towards your body, and use your pinky fingertip to massage your frenelum as you stroke. Work in plenty of kegels to build intensity. One of the most amazing masturbation techniques is known as "edging" - come to the verge of orgasm and straddle that line for a long time, not quite coming, just losing yourself in pleasure... end your edging session with a resounding orgasm, to avoid stressing your prostate. One last technique: draw back your foreskin if you have one and let the tip dry in the air, then place a piece of soft fabric between your fingers and your frenelum, and draw the fabric slowly across that sweet spot with your other hand.

In general I don't recommend porn for a few different reasons. It encourages the visual to dominate your erotic senses, it keeps you from getting really physically comfortable when you masturbate, it takes the focus off your sensations, it discourages the use of the imagination, and it creates an unrealistic standard of feminine beauty and/or responsiveness. That being said, porn can be fun and sexy and it's pretty harmless if it's used consciously and in moderation. If you're looking on the internet, Google image searches (with "safe search" turned off) are your best friend. I'd also suggest Simple Nudes, Suicide Girls, Sapphic Erotica, or Beauty is Divine, depending on your taste. Enjoy.

Semen Retention.

As fun as ejaculation is, many men experience a higher energy level when they go for a while without it. One explanation is that non-ejaculation frees the body from the demands of spermatogenesis, making a surprising amount of energy available for other purposes. Combining this energy conservation with the hormonally beneficial effects of sex can make you feel great, and frequent sex without orgasm is advocated in the energy-conscious styles of Taoist and Tantric sex. In my experience, sexual tension can consume more energy than an orgasm would lose, and one must be aware of one's body and let it come when the time is right. When this is done well, the body has plenty of energy for a resounding ejaculation, one that will feel incredible and dissolve tension with no tiring effects whatsoever. Like any form of discipline, semen retention centers on awareness of the real needs of one's body, rather than on any dogmatic and repressive set of rules that can become obsessive and unhealthy.

The biggest potential problem with semen retention is "blue balls", which occur when seminal fluid is released by the prostate into the urethra but not released by the penis. Aside from being potentially agonizing, this condition is not healthy for the prostate if it's experienced regularly or frequently. It can be prevented by keeping sexual activity slow and sensual or by avoiding sex altogether, but it can also be alleviated by the following techniques.

1. Gomukhasana. This yoga pose, pictured at left, will quickly relieve the symptoms and more gradually remove the cause. In general, any position where the legs are crossed will restrict blood flow to the genital area and thus help with this condition.

2. Yogic inversions. Another solution from yoga is inversion, which encourages blood to flow up and away from the genitals. If you don't practice yoga, this won't be much help, but if you do, a long headstand will do a world of good.

3. The Microcosmic Orbit. This technique of Taoist meditation can be combined with either of the above cures. Sit cross-legged with your back straight enough for a deep breath, close your eyes and allow your mind to clear. Now imagine a flow of energy moving upward along your spine, towards the top of your head. Gently do some rear-side kegels (a.k.a. the root lock) to help pump the energy upward. For a much more rigorous and detailed description of this age-old practice, click here.

4. A sports cup. If you don't feel too strange about it, wearing one of these seems to relieve the symptoms, probably be reducing blood flow to the testes.

5. A cold shower. This old folk remedy encourages blood flow throughout the whole body, including the genitals. Soaking the scrotum in cool water will have a similar effect.

6. Orgasm. Sometimes this is just the best answer... go ahead and come.

Like any form of discipline, semen retention should be undertaken gradually, with no masochistic motivation and no sense of guilt for the occassional indulgence. If you're constantly denying yourself the pleasure of orgasm, your body will make its needs known by coming very quickly during sex. On the other hand, if you become adept at stress-free semen retention, it will continue during sex and you will last a long time. If you're living the brahmacharya or celibate lifestyle, the key is to relax your sexual impulses rather than alternately indulging and battling them. If you're bothered by nocturnal emissions, try the following acupressure method, courtesy of Hsi Lai: press just below your left thumbnail, with the flat of your right index fingernail, ten times and repeat on all ten fingers twice a day. Semen retention is not for everyone, but it does offer significant rewards to those who do it well.